Excellent! Well, hopefully that will take care of at least one leg of your remaining journey: any number of inmates have had to figure out a future that they genuinely look forward to, so it sounds as if I've been able to do something to help you get out of there. Now... tell me all about how you've been since I left, hmm?
Please tell me Dorian hasn't gotten you into any more trouble?
Zack! Goodness, I'll have to check in with him. I've already talked to Trixie; I'll be transporting her son and his significant other once I have a moment. I only dealt with Kikimora a little and I'll admit my association with Arthur's John was... limited.
And how are you adjusting to that? Have you started learning how to cook at all?
Jacobi has been helping me to fit a small kitchenette into part of the boat. Slowly but surely, it's becoming a bit more of a home and less a tour vessel.
[ He's going to be honest with Henry. He always has been. ]
I intend to eventually return to the barge to request them back. But what they came with, in their original form, was a leash and an influence and a lack of freedom and a threat that I do not miss.
I am happier, yes. But that happiness is made, in part, by my situation and not by my lack of powers. And I am happier that I am not made to pay the price of those powers, harming those I care for.
I miss the power itself, because I- I feel I found ways to use it constructively, to help people, to provide... clarity. I was constantly fighting against the very nature of them before, but I think with the version I intend to ask for, I could do quite a lot of good. And protect quite a lot of important people and places and things.
I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to trap them like I had, but I miss the control.
You said earlier that - it would always be with me. I had an entire web at home, Jon. If I stretched out far enough, I could touch a mind and add it to my collection. Wrap it up tightly and give direction.
I've always felt alone. Always. Having friends, as I do now, isn't the same. It doesn't feel the same, but I know it's better and - and I used my abilities once to help a friend.
That felt good.
I don't know if it's something I can or want to do for a lot of people, but doing it once and not causing harm, is...satisfying.
It's not something that comes naturally to everyone, but I, personally... I won't say I consider everyone a friend. I can't, certainly, and they certainly don't see me that way. But I do see value in them. I do... acknowledge that nothing and no one can truly understand the full potential of anyone or anything. Not completely.
Not even the Admiral, when it comes down to it, even if he comes closer than most.
But giving up the control gets easier when you realize how easy it is to destroy the very thing you want to study. To... corrupt it into something it isn't, to limit the very infinite tapestry that one finds so fascinating with that attempt to control it.
Being able to use power to help, to not cause harm... it's harder. And thus when you accomplish it, it feels... better. Just from that. Then you factor in the people you care about and the new and interesting ways that the world can change because of it and, well... it's almost a little addicting, caring. Helping. Trying to make things better.
It's less of a matter of 'wanting' to and it just sort of happening. I'm no saint who just decided to give a shit about people. It just sort of happened that way. 'Not harming' is as good as anything else in that sphere, honestly.
But yes, of course, I'll come get you. I have a feeling it'll be sooner rather than later, hmm?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...I can't say I don't understand that deal.
[ A sigh. ]
Do you know where you're going when you graduate? That sort of wish feels very-
Well, it feels very much like you'll be done sooner rather than later, at least to my senses.
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I cannot go home and I don't want to. I don't want to be in one place.
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...I'll need to check with Tim, of course. But, um...
I don't suppose you'd like to come with me? W-w-with the understanding that if you change your mind, I can drop you off wherever you like, of course.
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[He laughs, a little surprised.]
I should offer my apologies if we ever meet again. But - I'd like that.
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Please tell me Dorian hasn't gotten you into any more trouble?
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I have a new room now. He taught me how to make drinks for a party I was planning after I moved in.
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...one of these days I'm going to convince him that being anti-social is an entirely valid life choice and not part of graduating.
How did the party go, anyway?
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It was stalled. The Barge happened and I haven't had a chance to gather my friends.
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Friends? With an 's'?
[ That gets a bright laugh. ]
Excellent!
...I maintain that being an introvert is still entirely valid, but a few friends is still very good, yes.
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It's far too many.
[He makes jokes now, too.]
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Anyone I'd know?
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Still! A very impressive number.
And technically more than fit on one hand.
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I am human, for the most part.
I have to eat again.
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Jacobi has been helping me to fit a small kitchenette into part of the boat. Slowly but surely, it's becoming a bit more of a home and less a tour vessel.
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Is that sufficient?
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Jon. Are you happier? Without the abilities you had?
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[ He's going to be honest with Henry. He always has been. ]
I intend to eventually return to the barge to request them back. But what they came with, in their original form, was a leash and an influence and a lack of freedom and a threat that I do not miss.
I am happier, yes. But that happiness is made, in part, by my situation and not by my lack of powers. And I am happier that I am not made to pay the price of those powers, harming those I care for.
I miss the power itself, because I- I feel I found ways to use it constructively, to help people, to provide... clarity. I was constantly fighting against the very nature of them before, but I think with the version I intend to ask for, I could do quite a lot of good. And protect quite a lot of important people and places and things.
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You said earlier that - it would always be with me. I had an entire web at home, Jon. If I stretched out far enough, I could touch a mind and add it to my collection. Wrap it up tightly and give direction.
I've always felt alone. Always. Having friends, as I do now, isn't the same. It doesn't feel the same, but I know it's better and - and I used my abilities once to help a friend.
That felt good.
I don't know if it's something I can or want to do for a lot of people, but doing it once and not causing harm, is...satisfying.
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Not even the Admiral, when it comes down to it, even if he comes closer than most.
But giving up the control gets easier when you realize how easy it is to destroy the very thing you want to study. To... corrupt it into something it isn't, to limit the very infinite tapestry that one finds so fascinating with that attempt to control it.
Being able to use power to help, to not cause harm... it's harder. And thus when you accomplish it, it feels... better. Just from that. Then you factor in the people you care about and the new and interesting ways that the world can change because of it and, well... it's almost a little addicting, caring. Helping. Trying to make things better.
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But I don't want to cause harm. Not to those who don't cause harm in turn.
Come find me after I graduate? I'll be in Hawkins. 1979. Big house with a rose door.
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But yes, of course, I'll come get you. I have a feeling it'll be sooner rather than later, hmm?
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