[ He's going to be honest with Henry. He always has been. ]
I intend to eventually return to the barge to request them back. But what they came with, in their original form, was a leash and an influence and a lack of freedom and a threat that I do not miss.
I am happier, yes. But that happiness is made, in part, by my situation and not by my lack of powers. And I am happier that I am not made to pay the price of those powers, harming those I care for.
I miss the power itself, because I- I feel I found ways to use it constructively, to help people, to provide... clarity. I was constantly fighting against the very nature of them before, but I think with the version I intend to ask for, I could do quite a lot of good. And protect quite a lot of important people and places and things.
I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to trap them like I had, but I miss the control.
You said earlier that - it would always be with me. I had an entire web at home, Jon. If I stretched out far enough, I could touch a mind and add it to my collection. Wrap it up tightly and give direction.
I've always felt alone. Always. Having friends, as I do now, isn't the same. It doesn't feel the same, but I know it's better and - and I used my abilities once to help a friend.
That felt good.
I don't know if it's something I can or want to do for a lot of people, but doing it once and not causing harm, is...satisfying.
It's not something that comes naturally to everyone, but I, personally... I won't say I consider everyone a friend. I can't, certainly, and they certainly don't see me that way. But I do see value in them. I do... acknowledge that nothing and no one can truly understand the full potential of anyone or anything. Not completely.
Not even the Admiral, when it comes down to it, even if he comes closer than most.
But giving up the control gets easier when you realize how easy it is to destroy the very thing you want to study. To... corrupt it into something it isn't, to limit the very infinite tapestry that one finds so fascinating with that attempt to control it.
Being able to use power to help, to not cause harm... it's harder. And thus when you accomplish it, it feels... better. Just from that. Then you factor in the people you care about and the new and interesting ways that the world can change because of it and, well... it's almost a little addicting, caring. Helping. Trying to make things better.
It's less of a matter of 'wanting' to and it just sort of happening. I'm no saint who just decided to give a shit about people. It just sort of happened that way. 'Not harming' is as good as anything else in that sphere, honestly.
But yes, of course, I'll come get you. I have a feeling it'll be sooner rather than later, hmm?
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Re: during 4WW | audio
Jon. Are you happier? Without the abilities you had?
Re: during 4WW | audio
[ He's going to be honest with Henry. He always has been. ]
I intend to eventually return to the barge to request them back. But what they came with, in their original form, was a leash and an influence and a lack of freedom and a threat that I do not miss.
I am happier, yes. But that happiness is made, in part, by my situation and not by my lack of powers. And I am happier that I am not made to pay the price of those powers, harming those I care for.
I miss the power itself, because I- I feel I found ways to use it constructively, to help people, to provide... clarity. I was constantly fighting against the very nature of them before, but I think with the version I intend to ask for, I could do quite a lot of good. And protect quite a lot of important people and places and things.
Re: during 4WW | audio
You said earlier that - it would always be with me. I had an entire web at home, Jon. If I stretched out far enough, I could touch a mind and add it to my collection. Wrap it up tightly and give direction.
I've always felt alone. Always. Having friends, as I do now, isn't the same. It doesn't feel the same, but I know it's better and - and I used my abilities once to help a friend.
That felt good.
I don't know if it's something I can or want to do for a lot of people, but doing it once and not causing harm, is...satisfying.
Re: during 4WW | audio
Not even the Admiral, when it comes down to it, even if he comes closer than most.
But giving up the control gets easier when you realize how easy it is to destroy the very thing you want to study. To... corrupt it into something it isn't, to limit the very infinite tapestry that one finds so fascinating with that attempt to control it.
Being able to use power to help, to not cause harm... it's harder. And thus when you accomplish it, it feels... better. Just from that. Then you factor in the people you care about and the new and interesting ways that the world can change because of it and, well... it's almost a little addicting, caring. Helping. Trying to make things better.
Re: during 4WW | audio
But I don't want to cause harm. Not to those who don't cause harm in turn.
Come find me after I graduate? I'll be in Hawkins. 1979. Big house with a rose door.
Re: during 4WW | audio
But yes, of course, I'll come get you. I have a feeling it'll be sooner rather than later, hmm?
Re: during 4WW | audio
I don't want to burden Trixie any longer than necessary.
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...though I find it hilarious that anyone thinks I'm 'tolerant'.
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Go talk to someone else.
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I'm going to have to fall over at some point and sleep.
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Well, I suppose most people will enjoy themselves.