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[weboftime]

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[weboftime]

I'm at Trixie's.

Whatever talk needs to happen will have to be this way.

[greatoldjohn]

Is she not allowing you visitors?

[weboftime]

I don't know. I didn't ask.

She's been in the infirmary.

[greatoldjohn]

You hurt her?

[weboftime]

[Good thing text can't show shame! He doesn't have to hide how awful he feels.]

Yes.

[greatoldjohn]

I see.

[ That answer told him a few things.]

You killed Arthur.

[weboftime]

I know.

I killed a lot of people.

[greatoldjohn]

Did you know I was with him at the time? Did it matter?

[weboftime]

I assumed. I didn't care at the time.

I was gone for a long time. I was angry when I came back.

[greatoldjohn]

I see.

[weboftime]

[After a very long pause:]

It wasn't right.

[greatoldjohn]

That depends.

[weboftime]

On what?

[greatoldjohn]

It depends on what you want to be.

[weboftime]

What do you mean?

[greatoldjohn]

You remember what I said the last time, when you broke Arthur's arm?

[weboftime]

You said a lot of things.

[greatoldjohn]

Do you remember why I wasn't mad?

[weboftime]

Because I didn't kill him?

[greatoldjohn]

Yes and no.

I thanked you for not killing him. Because you were under no obligation to spare him.

Depending on what you want to be, you still aren't.

[weboftime]

Oh.

I'm not what I was.

[greatoldjohn]

That's what I wanted to know, before I really said anything further about it. What you are. What you want to be.

To be a thing is to have no obligation but your own desires and what your power will allow. You exist, and often exist beyond the imaginings of the small and limited and mortal. You don't hate them, but they're insignificant.

But being a person...

It has joy and wonder and warmth, beauty and companionship and love. It has music. Stories. Pain. Anger. Curiosity. Confusion.

Being a person has obligations. It has responsibilities. Relationships.

I don't get mad at things. They just are. There's no point, like I told you before. But I can be mad at people. I can be mad at friends who hurt my other friends.

It doesn't mean I'll stop being their friend. On the contrary, I know better than most how hard it is to go from being a thing to being a person. You fuck up a lot. I fuck up a lot still.

But I will be mad, because that's shitty to do, especially to a friend.

[weboftime]

I don't know what I want to be, John.

I don't know what I can be.

Being a thing, a concept, a being above it all was easier.

But then I hurt Trixie.

[greatoldjohn]

You can be a person. If you want to be.

It's not easy, but it's worth it. They're worth it.

People make everything so much better. Not easier, but better.

[weboftime]

I don't believe that.

I've seen the worst of humanity.

But I don't want to lose my friends.